Whether it's wine or a pile of candy, most of us have our evening vice that helps us get through the exhausting, horrifying, magical, wonderful, long days of momming. And I am definitely someone who likes a vice!
I drink way too much coffee and around 3pm I hear a call to the liquor cabinet (which, to be clear, I MOSTLY don’t answer until after 5pm).
I grew up in a relatively boozy family where we enjoyed drinks together often and as I became an adult, a routine of drinking after the work day was just how I lived. As I settled into mom life (ok, the minute I had my babies), I picked it back up and a nightly cocktail (or two) became my reward at the end of the day — some me-time, some down-time, and a way to unwind.
I’m now 7 years into Motherhood and, although I’ve successfully worked my drinking habits into a healthy lifestyle, I recently started to dive deeper into my focus on my mental health, anxiety, irritability, and being my own source of happiness rather than relying on others — as a chronic perfectionist and people pleaser, this one is a doozy to work through!
What I’ve realized is that head change I felt like I was relying on was really keeping me from listening to my thoughts. It was a way for me to push away my negative thoughts and patterns of thinking without addressing them.
As a health coach, I specifically recommend not to give up anything completely if you love it and it’s working for you. That results in a negative relationship with food and negative thought patterns. And it’s often unsustainable and once you allow it back in, all the old habits come with it.
I DO sometimes add some restrictions and rules around drinking that varies person to person. For myself, as I began to consider myself my own client at this point, since I was able to maintain and lose weight and I wasn’t taking in an amount that would affect my health, I stuck with my 7-10/week.
It wasn’t until this fall when I went on antidepressants after a long and, actually, scary battle with depression (You can read more about my postpartum depression experience here - just the tip of the iceburg, if you will), that I decided to make real, lasting, changes to my alcohol intake as a litmus test to see where that got me.
Here are the reasons WHY I chose to dry up a bit and reasons why you may want to dial it back, too!
Medical motivation: The medication I found that I really liked wouldn’t be as effective with a consistent alcohol intake. Honestly, the medication was like a cloud of nothingness lifting off my shoulders. Color came back into the world and the joy streamed back in. It was a true wake up call for me for the quality of life I was allowing myself to lead as well as the power of asking for help.
If you’re not currently taking or considering taking medication, this one won’t apply to you! But it’s important to talk about because there is a stigma and the truth is, there are so many moms (and people!) out there on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety mediation.
This is real and common. So I’m talking about it. I work with moms intimately and I have a lot of mama friends so I have a large pool to draw from to make the statement that there are a LOT of us out there. And there is no shame. Big life changes, new hormones, aging, and so much more are hitting us and needing help balancing our brain receptors as we go through it is nothing to be ashamed of. Asking for help that is out there specifically for this is brave. And smart.
I am a lifestyle transformation coach — I know a lot of our stuff is easily solved through healthy habits and a new mental approach, but not all. And a little help to get there is an amazing luxury we have in the modern world.
Unnecessary fatigue elimination: Aside from that technical aspect of wanting to ensure the best results from my foray into medication, and after cutting back for that reason, I realized a few more motivators. The first one was when I had even one drink, I woke up more tired and cranky than when I didn’t. Honestly, unless I was sick or pregnant, I didn’t really ever go many nights without drinking so I really didn’t know how it felt to wake up after a high quality night of sleep.
I was more tired in the morning after I had even one drink at night, which made me cranky and then resentful that my husband wasn’t around to help in the mornings. Not a fun feeling — and probably part of what was causing my depression.
So stopping weekday drinks had a very real motivation to settle my morning woes and start the day feeling successful. And it helped SO MUCH.
Irritability and resentment relief: Along with the clear correlation to happier mornings for all, I then realized at night a drink would make me less patient with the kids at bed time, which also made me cranky and resentful of the fact that my husband was in school and not around for that. I was so desperate for down time, that I wasn’t enjoying the kids, I was surviving them. And if I was waiting until they were in bed to have a glass of wine, I was frequently less willing to give one last cuddle or to hear about the funny thing that happened that day that made them come out of their room for the umpteenth time. How sad is that? And I hadn’t even thought about that until this started! So, again, that was a great motivator (not to mention the extra snacking after a drink!).
Creating a habit: So I stopped drinking during the week — not completely, but almost always. I realized, too, that I liked this feeling and I hated waking up hungover, if even a little, and if even only because of lower sleep quality. I then realized I didn’t want to waste my weekends when my husband was actually around, or if he needed me to take the kids so he could study, feeling exhausted, cranky, and hungover. So I stopped that, too. And there it was: a habit and a lifestyle that I didn’t even have to put energy into anymore. This was now how I wanted to live. The thought processes came naturally, steering me toward healthier relaxation techniques, and the desire was often not even there. BOOM! Habit created in 90 days.
Seeing result I’d never seen before: The reinvigoration and pride I was taking in this new aspect of self-control led to me getting my workouts in more consistently by moving them to first thing after I get the kids to school. I was having more fun with the kids and my patience was paying off in their behavior whether due to my stellar parenting or the fact that they were also feeling proud of themselves since mama was obviously more pleased with their behavior (my little perfectionist people pleasers — no doubt these are my kids!).
My irritability is almost gone, resentment eliminated, and new fitness and weight loss goal emerged that I hadn’t even thought to approach. I’m 10lbs lower than I’ve been since I quit the circus and I haven’t felt like I’ve been on a diet or been restricted one bit. I am making a weight loss effort, but it’s steady and easy and the focus remains on feeling great.
If you’re reading this you may be feeling ready for a change, too. Maybe you’re even shocked that you’re even considering the idea and doubting that it would work for you. But if I can be an example of someone with little need to give it up, and a big habit to push past, who found incredible results from it, maybe it’s time to give it a shot?
I thought this was something I’d never have the motivation to do. But here I am and, honestly, I feel great! Have I stopped drinking completely? Nope (just check my insta stories)! Would I ever consider that? Maybe (and that is something I NEVER thought I’d say)! But for now, some weekend drinking with company, while always considering my mental state and mindfulness practices, or the occasional weekday drink the with girls, is suiting me just fine.
Whether you want to go all in, or dial it way back, it’s worth a try. A “dry January” or Whole 30 won’t get you there. The mindset and goal is totally different. This is about recreating a lifestyle, not cutting calories.
Hit me up for a free consult if you have any questions about your healthy living or to see if going dry or dry-ish is right for you! My coaching covers it all from back pain and ab separations, getting fit, hitting goals, and losing weight, to creating real change in your habits, your energy, and your true inner self love and motivation. And often all of that mixed together! All tailored to your goals and lifestyle.
Looking for some healthy swaps for your wine time? Check out this post with 4 Alternatives for your Wine Time.